G'day! Watch Out There's Sharks In The Water! And other generic aussie catch phrases..

A few months ago, if you had asked me, I would have said I was fairly mature. Not all the time, obviously, but I had my moments and was fairly good at keeping myself out of trouble..

Now, i'm not so sure. At the age of 22... I feel like that is a label that is prematurely given to me. I look in the mirror and see the same 12 year old girl who hated the feel of lipstick on her lips, didn't care if her hair stayed in a pony tale, and thought boys were awesome, but for different reasons. The girl who would have rathered live her life in jeans and a shirt, than skirts and heels. She didn't care what her peers thought, because if they didn't like her then it was their problem and their loss, not because she was stuck up, but because she held her worth in something greater than this world.

I look around at my life, living in another country, working full time in a bar serving alcohol that I feel any moment someone should come and tell me off for being underage in a bar. I have an amazingly devoted boyfriend who wants to marry me, but I feel like a school girl kissing a boy behind the toilet blocks. A mobile phone contract, when all I want to do is cover my phone in stickers. Constantly second guessing every move I make and word I say. I relish the time when I can close and lock the door to my room, and strip off the layers of expectations and responsibilities bestowed upon my shoulders and crawl into my bed beneath the covers. But even then it is painfully brought to my attention I am not home, I am not surrounded by Kookaburras, who, contrary to popular belief, do not only sing at dawn.

Other girls I look at, who are the age I have been labelled, seem to have it all together, with their jobs and studies and boyfriends. They look at me like I fit in their group... I'm just an orange masquerading as an apple.

But what can I do about this do you ask? How do I make my muddy off white canvas shoes fit and fill the stiletto heeled age I am meant to be? I don't know. As far as I am concerned I am a 12 year old girl playing dress up, but no one is noticing my age, because as my older brother once said, "Fake it till you make it"

I'm sure as time passes i'll find I fill these shoes better than I ever thought I could... Until then, I long for the time where I lazed in my pyjamas with my sister watching movies with bag loads of junkfood bought from Coles...

This sister, by the way, I admire in more ways than I could possibly convey. To me, this 16 year old fills those shoes in a way with such ease as I could never achieve.

Till next time

xx